Sunday, May 24, 2009

10 Reasons why Winnie the Pooh needs antidepressants

1. OK his name is doodoo

2. He is an emotional eater

3. He runs out of honey and has to steal it from the bees

4. The bees promptly attack him and christopher robin

5. A great wind comes and blooooows piglet away

6. The wind knocks down owls house

7. Eeyore. Dude cheer up you live in the 100 acre woods

8. Eeyore the jerk goes to find owl a new house only to find piglets house and says it is owl's. No one corrects him and piglet just cries and accepts that his lovely house was now owl's house just cause Eeyore said so. Fuck Eeyore he is not your landlord. Piglet moves in with Winnie the Pooh

9. Pooh goes to visit Rabbit who tries to act like he's not home. But Pooh is the wiser and goes to his house and eats all Rabbits honey. All of it. And then gets stuck in Rabbits front door. Rabbit has to look at Poohs butt for days. And has to clean up the poopoo.

10. A great rain floods the woods washing piglet away. He has to be rescued by Pooh.

And i didn't even get into Rabbits hatred of Tigger and his evil plan to desert bouncy Tigger in some strange woods because Tigger bounced him one too many times.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Don't Bite Your sister

Our youngest daughter is two and a half. She has an amazing mind and sometimes says things that are way beyond her years.
Yesterday she was cuddled up ready for her nap. She wanted me to lay down next to her but I wanted to get my coffee. We had just brushed our teeth a few moments before. She said, "Come on mom get in the bed!"
I said, "Hold on let me get my coffee."
She said, "You just brushed your teeth you can't drink coffee now come on."
Really kid.

She is a cool child. Very smart, funny, energetic, enthusiastic. She loves books and make believe. She is loving and likes to give kisses. Great hugger that kid.

There are times though when it all breaks loose. I will say no to something that was demanded and whoosh she turns into a screaming, crying, stomping, kicking fiery ball of toddler angst. She has cleared a table in one swoosh. Bowls, food, cups, juice all on the floor.
"You will clean up this mess and then sit in time out." Very serious face.

The tantrums range in intensity and time. Sometimes you can get her to calm down by talking to her. Once during a tantrum she instantly stopped and said, "Mommy that painting is in the shape of a diamond."
I said, "Yes dear it is." I tried to mask my amazement at how quickly she switched. Her cries sound so sad, so plaintive.
The legs kick. Often she will emit a high whining sound. And only sometimes tears. It's always loud.

The N word

She does not like to hear the word no. The word no immediately causes the legs to start stomping and the tears to fly out of her eyes to create a puddle that she will ultimately smear all over the living room floor o

Big sister was building a myriad of block towers that she refused to have knocked down. Toddler whose very genetic make up calls for her to knock them things down can't control self and knocks them all down as big sister wails for her not to knock them down.
"Hahaha." Toddler laughs at demolishing her sisters building. Finally big sister builds a massive tower on an unreachable spot on the dining room table. She tells little sister, "Do not knock it down. Little sister screams and as she is being held back she bites her big sister. No biting. No biting. you do not bite your sister. Now say you are sorry. You better say you are sorry.
-Sorry big sister.
-Now you have to sit in time out.
-I have to sit in time out.

With big sister I never had to tell her not to bite anyone. She just didn't do it. Why does this child bite her big sister? Why will she scream as if in the worse pain when she has to do a simple thing.